Summer: the season of sunshine, beach days, ice cream trucks… and the special kind of logistical chaos that co-parenting can bring when school is out.
While kids dream of popsicles and pool floats, co-parents often find themselves juggling work schedules, family vacations, summer camps, and the emotional unpredictability of parenting with an ex. And when your co-parent is difficult (chronically late, passive-aggressive, or outright hostile) summer can feel less like a vacation and more like a reality show you didn’t sign up for.
But here’s the truth: you can survive it. Even thrive. And you don’t have to let your co-parent’s drama define your summer or your state of mind.
Let’s talk planning, boundaries, flexibility, self-regulation, and how to keep your cool when your co-parent is doing cannonballs into your emotional pool.
Why Summer is Especially Tricky for Co-Parents
When kids are in school, there’s a rhythm. Summer disrupts that rhythm. There’s less structure, more transitions, and more potential for miscommunication or disagreement.
Common summer co-parenting challenges include:
- Conflicting vacation schedules
- Last-minute changes to plans
- Disagreements about camps or activities
- Emotional outbursts from kids missing the other parent
- One parent trying to control the other’s time or decisions
- Escalated conflict due to more time “negotiating”
And then there are those extra special moments when your co-parent shows up late (again), undermines your parenting (again), or drops a toxic comment in front of the kids (seriously, again?).
So what’s the secret sauce for getting through the summer without losing your ever-loving mind?
1. Planning is Your Summer Survival Superpower
The more you plan, the fewer surprises you have to manage. Planning sets expectations, reduces ambiguity, and helps everyone, especially your kids, feel safe and secure.
🔹 Planning Tips That Work:
- Create a Shared Summer Calendar
Use Google Calendar, OurFamilyWizard, or even a paper calendar. Include vacations, camps, sports practices, birthdays, and swap days. Share it well in advance. - Confirm Plans in Writing
Verbal agreements can vanish faster than popsicles on a July day. Send emails or texts summarizing important logistics: “Just confirming drop-off for camp next Monday is 8:30 at the Y, and you’ll pick up at 3?” - Have a Vacation Agreement in Place
If your parenting plan allows each parent a vacation week or two, give notice by the agreed-upon deadline. Be specific with dates, times, and travel plans. - Review and Plan for Holidays Early
Don’t assume you’re on the same page about Fourth of July or family reunions. Confirm now to avoid a meltdown on July 3rd. - Include the Kids in Planning (When Age-Appropriate)
Let older kids express what activities or camps they want. This avoids getting stuck in a power struggle with your ex over decisions you made in a vacuum.
2. Boundaries Are Your Best Friend (Even When Your Co-Parent Isn’t)
Difficult co-parents often test boundaries—whether it’s showing up 45 minutes late, sending passive-aggressive texts, or trying to micromanage your time with the kids.
🔹 Boundaries That Keep You Sane:
- Stick to Agreed Upon Times
If pickup is 6:00 and they roll in at 6:45, don’t launch into a lecture. Calmly say, “We agreed on 6:00. Let’s work on staying on time for the kids’ sake.” Then document the pattern if needed. - Use “Business Voice” in Communication
Treat co-parenting like a professional collaboration. Stay polite, brief, and clear. Think HR email, not late-night text rant. - Don’t Respond Immediately to Provocation
Just because they sent a spicy text doesn’t mean you have to reply right away (or ever). Pause. Breathe. Respond when you’re calm—or not at all, if it doesn’t require a response. - Don’t Negotiate Your Time
If they disapprove of an activity during your time—say, you took the kids to a waterpark and they’re “worried about chlorine levels”—you can reply, “Thanks for your input. I’ll keep your concerns in mind.”
3. Flexibility Is a Secret Weapon—Not a Weakness
Flexibility doesn’t mean being a pushover. It means being nimble, not reactive. It means choosing your battles and prioritizing your kids’ experience over your ego.
🔹 Ways to Stay Flexible Without Losing Your Mind:
- Build in Buffer Time
If you know your co-parent is always late, avoid scheduling your dinner reservation 15 minutes after pickup. Give yourself a grace window. - Have a Backup Plan
If they cancel their weekend with the kids last-minute (again), have a Plan B: call a babysitter, schedule a friend playdate, or have an “emergency movie night” kit ready to go. - Take a Long-View Perspective
Your child will not remember that one weekend your ex ruined. But they will remember how you responded—with calm, grace, or maybe just a really good sense of humor.
4. Common Summer Scenarios and Solutions
Let’s walk through a few of the top co-parenting summer headaches, and how to deal like a boss.
🔸 Scenario: The Late Parent Parade
Your co-parent is supposed to pick the kids up at 3:00. It’s 3:45. You’re late for a work call. Again.
What to Do:
- Don’t explode in front of the kids.
- Document the lateness in a log.
- Send a calm message later:
“Hey, just a reminder that pickup was at 3:00. Let’s work together to keep transitions on time so the kids don’t get stressed.”
Pro Tip: If it’s chronic, bring it up in mediation or legal review—not in front of the kids or over text in all caps.
🔸 Scenario: Activity Interference
You sign the kids up for a sports camp during your time. Your co-parent complains it’s too intense, or that it interferes with their desire to take the kids to the lake on their time.
What to Do:
- If it’s on your time, you don’t need approval (assuming it’s age-appropriate and reasonable).
- You can say, “Thanks for sharing your opinion. I’ll make sure the kids get enough downtime too.”
If it is on shared time:
- Offer a compromise: “Would you prefer I move the camp to a different week? Or we can split drop-offs?”
- If there’s no agreement, defer to your parenting plan.
🔸 Scenario: Toxic Comments in Front of the Kids
Your co-parent rolls up for pickup and says, “I hope you remembered to put sunscreen on the kids this time. Unlike last weekend when you apparently forgot how to parent.”
What to Do:
- Do. Not. Engage.
- Turn to the kids and say cheerfully, “Have fun with Dad! See you Sunday!” Then walk away.
- Later, document the interaction. If it becomes a pattern, bring it to your coach, lawyer, or mediator.
In your head, repeat this mantra:
“His opinion of me is not my truth. My behavior is for my kids to model, not my ex to approve.”
5. Your Secret Sauce: Self-Regulation
When your co-parent is difficult, the most powerful thing you can do is not take the bait. This is not about winning the argument, it’s about winning the long game of emotional health and good parenting.
🔹 How to Un-Hook from Their Behavior:
- Pause Before Responding
That spicy text? Don’t reply for at least 30 minutes. Better yet, write a draft response and delete it. - Take a Walk or Shake It Out
Your nervous system doesn’t lie. Move your body to reset your emotional state. - Journal or Voice Memo What You Want to Say
Let it out somewhere safe. You can even send it to your coach (like me!) for validation and a reality check. - Practice Deep Breathing
Three deep breaths before responding. It sounds cheesy, but it’s science. Oxygen calms your brain. - Use a Coparenting Coach (hi, again!)
Coaching gives you a non-judgmental place to vent, problem-solve, and reframe. A coach helps you stay grounded and strategic—not reactive.
6. Your Secret Sauce: Self-Regulation
In the middle of summer co-parenting chaos, it’s easy to put yourself last. Don’t. Your kids benefit when you take care of you.
🔹 Self-Care in the Moment:
- Go for a walk (even if it’s around the block)
- Listen to a playlist that calms or energizes you
- Phone a friend who gets it (not the one who tells you to “just take them back to court” every time)
- Do something tactile: wash dishes, water the garden, play with your dog
- Say no to unnecessary drama
- Talk to your coach (yes, that’s three plugs for coaching—I’m not subtle, because it works)
7. De-Escalation Takes Practice…and It’s Worth It
You may not change your co-parent. (In fact, you almost definitely won’t.) But you can change the way you respond. That’s where your power lives.
By staying regulated, using clear communication, and modeling emotional maturity, you’re teaching your kids how to handle hard people and hard moments.
Eventually, even the most combative co-parent often settles down, especially when you stop giving them the reaction they crave.
Final Takeaway: You Define the Relationship
Your relationship with your co-parent may be high-conflict, unpredictable, or deeply frustrating. But here’s the magic truth:
It doesn’t control you.
You get to define how you show up.
You get to decide what behaviors you model for your kids.
You get to build a peaceful, joyful life, one good boundary, deep breath, and well-planned summer camp schedule at a time.
And if it ever feels like too much?
You don’t have to do it alone.
Need support navigating a tricky co-parenting dynamic this summer?
I help parents just like you stay calm, confident, and strategic, even when your co-parent isn’t. Book a consult or check out my resources here.
Now go plan that summer. You’ve got this. Sunscreen optional…but recommended.
With hope,
Cherie
If you need more support, I’m right here to be your thinking partner.
Let’s have a Discovery Zoom today: www.DearDivorceCoach.com