Tools for Unhooking Ourselves

February 20, 2023

Dear Divorce Coach: 

Why is it important that I “unhook” from my former spouse and work to transform the way we relate to each other to take better care of myself and my children after my divorce?

– Dysregulated Mom

Cherie Morris and her kids just before her marital separation

Dear Mom,

Going through a divorce can be a difficult and emotional time, but it’s important to take steps to take care of yourself and move forward. Unhooking from your former spouse is incredibly important to help you shift your mindset to what you and your children need. It keeps you from staying “stuck” in the story of divorce or too interested in their lives to your own detriment.

Here are some tips that may help you unhook from your former spouse and transform yourself to be your best self:

  1. Allow yourself time to grieve: It’s natural to feel a sense of loss after the end of a marriage, and it’s important to allow yourself time to grieve the loss. This can involve processing your emotions, seeking support from friends and family, or even seeing a therapist or coach to help you work through your feelings and, most importantly for you, create values for what’s next and best.
  2. Focus on self-care: Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. This can involve getting regular exercise, eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
  3. Set goals for yourself: Identify what you want to achieve in your life and set goals to help you get there. This can involve pursuing new hobbies, learning new skills, or even starting a new career.
  4. Surround yourself with positive people: Seek out friends and family members who support you and bring positivity into your life. Avoid spending time with people who are negative or critical.
  5. Practice forgiveness: Forgiveness can be a powerful tool for letting go of the past and moving forward. This can involve forgiving your former spouse for any mistakes or hurts, as well as forgiving yourself for any mistakes or shortcomings. It doesn’t mean you forget, by the way, and creating boundaries for the future so as not to re-create negative patterns is very important.
  6. Embrace new opportunities: The end of a marriage can also be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Be open to new experiences and opportunities, and don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone.
  7. Use this easy-to-implement process to integrate the steps to unhooking from almost any difficult situation you encounter:

Remember, healing and transformation take time and effort, but with patience and perseverance, you can move forward and become your best self.

Co-Parenting: The Basics

What It Is & How We Do It

This interview-style video workshop breaks down those most pressing questions parents face as they begin to navigate co-parenting during separation and divorce.

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